Taken: Hope for the Caregiver books

June 17th, 2016

The books I offered to give away at the end of my prior blog post disappeared super fast.  My heart hurts at having to tell everyone else that they’re gone, because I know how greatly they are needed.  I hope this will spur some of you on to obtain a copy for yourself and even to gift one to someone else you know if possible.

They are not costly, as you can see here.  However, they’re worth more than their weight in gold to those who will read with an open heart and take the author’s counsel themselves or help a caregiver you know to make needed changes.

It often seems that we women especially have an enormous capacity for self-sacrifice to the detriment of our own health, but when we are facing possibly decades of being a caregiver, we must not burn ourselves out to nothing in the first couple of years, or allow a spirit of bitterness or martyrdom to form inside us at the sacrifices and hardships we face daily.  It is no virtue in God’s eyes, nor is it appreciated by or helpful to those we are serving.

The writer of this book, Hope for the Caregiver, has been caring for his severely disabled wife for over three decades now, and he lays it out there in plain, easy-to-read common sense.

 

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Cheerful chat about this and that

June 17th, 2016

Ever since my girlhood, very small houses have fascinated me.  I used to try my hand at designing them, sketching out plans just for fun.  I always said that if I never married, I’d live in a tiny house.

Now there’s a small but growing movement of tiny house living.  Maybe you’ve heard of it?

It recently occurred to me that I’m living out my dream!  I did the math.

Our home used to be 1300 square feet shared by fifteen people.  That’s equivalent to an average American family of four living in 350 square feet.  You can see a 350 square foot tiny house HERE.  Now our home is 2300 square feet shared by fifteen people.  That’s equivalent to an average American family of four living in just over 600 square feet.  You can see a 600 square foot tiny house HERE.

So there ya go.  Tiny house living for a super-sized family.  I’m pretty sure many of my large-family friends are doing something similar.  No wonder we have to be so organized!

 

Plenty of outdoor breathing room is a gift we don’t take for granted~

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One of my brothers was our builder; he spent countless hours on this project without charging us for his own time, at great cost to himself.  I tell him, “We love this house all day every day.  We’ll never be able to repay you for all you have done for us.”

He recently texted to let me know he has our final bill ready for us, “No pressure.  Just don’t stress about it.  God will provide.”  I replied, “Can you send it home with Laura?  We’ll lay it out before the Lord and pray over it!  God knows all about it, and yes, He will provide.”

The masonry guys who were unable to build the retaining wall for us sent us a large check toward the expense of having someone else do the job.  We are sure this loving act was also done at great personal sacrifice and we were so surprised, touched, and grateful!  Thank you for doing this, M family!  (Anyone in our general area able to recommend a good stonemason??)

Joe and I are actively talking over potential dates for a big thank you open house for all who helped in any way to make this addition happen!  We’ll let you know in plenty of time, as we would love to see everyone who can possibly get here for that!  We want to show it to you and thank you in person!

 

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This is what our back porch looked like for several months, while we were waiting for siding.  Then every day last week, Monday through Friday, we targeted a different area of the property that had gotten messy during construction; this space was cleared of everything that wasn’t necessary for the siding job.  On Saturday, Joe, Daniel, and three friends put most of the siding up, then thoughtfully moved everything off this porch and stacked it neatly out in back of the addition.

Joe and Daniel put a half day in on the siding earlier this week, and are finishing the job and removing the scaffolding today.  Of course, the younger boys are as close to the action as they can get, and are able to be helpful at times.  Today our propane tank is being buried, also.

 

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These items were waiting in the wings, and quickly set up on Saturday night.  We already had everything but the table, so I’d researched and chosen this one at half price.  Although it was the cheapest patio table I could find, the reviews seemed decent, so we hope it holds up well for us.

 

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This is the first time in twenty-three years of marriage that we’ve had outdoor space for something like this, and it is in nearly continuous use now, very often by Josie, as it is on level ground right outside the door of her room.  Its location suits older folks and those with mobility issues to be able to hang out where other people want to be.  Plus, it faces the southeast, so it’s in full shade all afternoon and evening.  Perfect.

Saturday night after dark, when Peter and I were finished setting it up and lighting the tea candles in the little lanterns, we sat down to soak it all in by candlelight. After a few minutes of shared silence, Peter sighed happily and said, “I wish this night would never end.”

The next afternoon and evening, this space wasn’t empty for even one minute, as we had invited our whole church family here.  We love having people over, but hadn’t been able to manage it over the past several years.

I left my camera in my desk on Sunday, for reasons of my own, but it was a fabulous day, gorgeous weather, full of so many people we love, in and out of the house, filling the front porch, the back porch, the front yard with swings, small pool, sandbox, airplane teeter-totter, and picnic table, the large yard Joe’s aunt and uncle generously share with us for ultimate frisbee–even the sidewalk and the huge dirt hill behind our house–with conversation and friendship and laughter.  Near the end of the day, which lasted until nearly eleven pm, Daniel observed, “This just feels right.”

 

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Verity is sitting on my lap as I type this, and she’s delighted to see herself on the screen doing her favorite chore!  She needs to be talked through it and frequently redirected, but she is quite capable when she is focusing.

 

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This baby is all sweetness and happiness.

 

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Since we didn’t know whether he was a boy or girl before he was born, I’m still getting used to his name and often call him, “Baby.”

 

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He holds the family record for being the most contented baby.  He is so easy to love and so enjoyed by everyone around him.  Isn’t it something how I was so sure we would never have any more children of any kind, from anywhere, ever again, and now we can hardly imagine our family without Josie and Nathaniel?

 

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Second trip to get her hair shaped as it grows out~

 

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We would have gone in a few weeks earlier, but our stylist was visiting her home country of El Salvador for a month.  She’s been my stylist since the twins were babies.

 

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A drop or so of hair oil every day keeps Josie’s hair nicely tamed.  It’s looking good, isn’t it?

 

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Jane was also eager for this trip.

 

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She donated twelve inches of thick, healthy hair.

 

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And still has plenty left.  She reports that her head feels so much lighter and better now.  She’s very happy with her decision.

 

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Josie took a turn with the camera while I had my haircut; she absolutely loves taking pictures, and her skills have improved over the past six months.  Sorry if you would rather not have seen this shot, haha!

 

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We’ve recently reinstated one Mom’s night off each week and added one whole Mom’s afternoon and evening off each month.  I’m reading voraciously again, reconnecting with friends, walking three to four times each week (only when Laura is home), and taking time for fun, creative activities even if it means more practical tasks have to wait.  I’m getting about six hours of sleep a night right now.  Joe makes me a full hot breakfast each morning before leaving for work, and I’m maintaining a healthy weight (I’ve let it go way too low during busy times in the past).  I’m learning to know and respect my limitations in this caregiver lifestyle God has chosen for me, to relinquish the desire to do everything and to do it perfectly, and to ask for and accept help when I need it.

These are some of the steps we’ve taken toward helping me live without stress, set healthy boundaries and maintain healthy physical and emotional habits.

Why?

The best answer to that question has been stated clearly and concisely by a man named Peter Rosenberger in his book titled, “Hope for the Caregiver: Encouraging Words to Strengthen Your Spirit,” with the forward written by Ken Tada, husband of Joni Eareckson Tada.

One reviewer stated, “Written by one who has ‘been there and done that,’ Peter offers caregivers practical advice for everyday living.  This book is an important resource for caregivers–and for those who care for the caregivers.”

I have six copies of this book to give away to the first six people who email me to ask for a copy and include their full name and street address.  Please read it and loan it to others who also need to read it.  UPDATE:  ALL COPIES HAVE NOW BEEN PROMISED.  Wish I had more to give away!  Love you, friends!

 

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Guest Post: Jimmy!

June 16th, 2016

I wanted to let you know that Jimmy has been officially adopted! His family got him in China this week, just three weeks short of him aging out. I thought you and your readers might like to know this amazing news; my heart is overflowing with joy right now. Once again, thank you so much for helping to advocate for him, and thank you to everyone who so faithfully prayed him home. May the Lord be praised.

God bless,
Becky De Nooy

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