“If you must have your own bow and sword, then the battle depends on you, and you cannot plead God’s promises. Put the bow aside, hang the sword on the wall, and go to Him who is better than bow and sword. Rest in Him, and He will gloriously work so that His name is magnified and you are blessed.” ~Charles Haddon Spurgeon
Hey friends, I thought about just emailing the three ladies who were at our home last night, but decided it’s something I’d rather share with all of you, because I know you’ll pray.
Could you pray for Joe and me and our older children as we form a family schedule that will take everyone’s needs into consideration and proportion the work load in a healthy way?
We’ve been taking mental notes since Tommy came home as to what will work best, and now we all need to collaborate and agree on a preliminary schedule to work from and adapt as we go along for the foreseeable future, and that’s not going to be a simple process.
I’ve been trying hard this week to fly solo (not wanting to ask others for help for various reasons) and it is impossible. I completely exhausted, overwhelmed and stressed myself this week.
When we thought through whether we were ready to commit to Tommy last fall, we had no idea God would also send a baby, and caring for Benjamin’s needs in addition to those of the rest of the family has truly been hard. Tommy and Katie are relatively easy to care for compared with an infant, although I know Ben won’t stay this way for long and he is so very, very sweet. *smile*
The thought of sitting and listening to the Love and Respect seminar last night was…well…I’d rather have scrubbed one hundred public toilets stress-free than hear even one more thing I had to remember to do, more needs I had to meet, and be reminded of even more failures on my part when I was already so exhausted and stressed, feeling like I was miserably failing everybody in every direction.
I want Joe to have the kind of wife that the Love and Respect seminar describes, but the last straw was hearing what a gift it is to a man for his wife to sit quietly and watch him work for an hour at a time. [I was thinking sardonically that it might possibly work if he was doing my work and I was sitting and watching! Did that occur to Mr. Love and Respect as a loving option for a husband to consider?! You see the state of my emotions last night, haha!]
The thought of adding therapy and school this fall was making me panic. Not because it’s impossible, period, but because it’s impossible for me to fly solo, even though that seems on the surface like the simplest option.
After everyone left our home last night, Joe and I stayed up and talked (and I cried my eyeballs out) until about 1:30 am, so I’m tired and headachy today, but not stressed. It was a very good talk, and I am thankful beyond words for Joe’s compassion and leadership.
We would love to know that others are praying specifically for needed planning time and insight for the strategy team, our ability to help motivate the rest of the family and encourage personal responsibility in a positive way, and above all, that everything that we do be done with love.
I’m so thankful we didn’t know about the coming baby while making the Tommy decision. There is a reason most people are not choosing this life that I am living every moment of every day. God was so merciful to take matters into His own hands and plan the timing like He did.
We know He will not leave us in the lurch now. He is our hope. He is helping us and will continue to help us, and we pray that He will show Himself to be the strong and sufficient God that He is through our family.
Thank you all for listening and for praying. I love you all.
P. S. And just last week I was exclaiming to the children how remarkable it is that I was feeling terrible stress with just one baby and feeling no stress now, with fifteen of us. I’m learning all over again that stress really is a choice that reveals to me the unbelief in my own heart. It’s not an inevitable consequence of outward circumstances.
Hope in God, O my soul.