Question: I worry that I do not have enough faith or a strong enough relationship with God. I read so many adoption blogs and almost all say that they couldn’t have done it without God. I worry that it won’t happen for us because I am not as faithful as those families.
Answer: Guess what? Our faith wasn’t big enough to make an adoption happen, either. We’re not sure it ever made it up to the size of a mustard seed.
In fact, it still isn’t big enough. We’re reminded of that every single day.
But the size of our faith is really not the most important part of Katie’s story. No matter how big our faith in God will grow, it will never be as great as God is. We will never be able to give God the faith that His character and person deserve.
He has been working in us and through us in spite of that. His favor, His help, His grace toward us isn’t something we “buy” with our faith. We don’t have anything with which to bargain with the true and living God, because anything of value that we have is from Him, anyway. Including our faith.
So you see, He isn’t needy toward us, we are needy toward Him.
What you are seeing when you read this blog and the blogs of other Jesus-loving families who are adopting children with special needs, is our desire to honor Him for what He does, and for who He is. None of us would say, with the ancient pagan king, “By the strength of my hand I have done it, and by my wisdom: for I am prudent!” We don’t welcome credit for what we know God has done, as kindly as it is given. “Shall the ax boast itself against him who chops with it? Or shall the saw exalt itself against him who saws with it?”
We have seen glimpses of His glory, through a glass darkly, and it gives us joy when He shines forth and is honored.
But God very often chooses to work His will through people who do not honor Him as God, and are not thankful to Him. Many, many people adopt. Some of them don’t acknowledge God at all, let alone honor Him.
In fact, from the beginning of time, most of what God has done has not brought Him greater honor from the people He has made. This fact does not stop Him from carrying out His will. He doesn’t need to be acknowledged in order to be the King.
He doesn’t need to be believed in order to be the Truth.
Dear questioner, when I read the wistfulness in your comment, my heart went out to you. The fact that you are worrying over this is an evidence of God’s working in you, or you wouldn’t give a hoot.
This is what I would say to you if you were talking this over with me in my living room. Please don’t confuse faith with emotions. Faith in God is not a matter of having a certain emotion. And please, don’t look at yourself, don’t look at your dad, don’t look around at other humans. We are not where ultimate truth is to be found, and I don’t state this on my own authority. Human beings have an enormous capacity for self-deception.
Jesus is the only one who is not ultimately a dead end, and He is the only one with whom you ultimately have to reckon. You can be confident that He loves to give more faith to those who ask Him. Thank Him for the faith that He has already given you, and ask Him to increase it. Ask Him to reveal Himself to you in all His glory, no matter what may come of it. I will be asking Him for the same thing.