My kindness will not depart from you.

November 3rd, 2011

Remember when I said that I was worried about making big mistakes?

Well.

Read on.

Joe and I had just signed many official papers at the gleaming table in our attorney’s office, and had briefly told him about Katie.

“God bless you as you move forward,” said he. “This is a pretty significant undertaking, as I’m sure you realize.”

“Yes,” I answered, searching for words. “But we have seen God’s hand so clearly during this adoption process.  There is no way we could have engineered it ourselves.  We know that the task before us looms huge and overwhelming.  But we know that God will not abandon us now.”

Joe and I went on to have a lovely date night together, purchasing several items we will need for the weeks ahead.  We returned home quite late, and while I got ready for bed, Joe sat down to update our adoption finances page and look over the most important emails.

It was then he discovered that I had accidentally written the large check for our adoption attorney’s final fee from the wrong checking account.  The checks and checkbooks look identical, and I had been flustered at the time.  We were under pressure from the social worker at our adoption agency to get the check written and overnighted to them immediately.  During those communications, I had accidentally caused a misunderstanding with someone very dear to me, and it was weighing heavily on my heart.

The checkbook I used was not the adoption checkbook.  It was for the family checking account, and Joe keeps a lower balance in that one.

Yes, it really happened.

I, Susanna Musser, wrote a bad check.  Like the people on those lists taped to the cash register at the grocery store.

Joe was very kind to his downcast wife.  The wife who wants to be like the woman in Proverbs 31 when she grows up.  The heart of the Proverbs 31 woman’s husband safely trusts her, so he will have no lack of gain.  Overdrawing his bank account for the first time in his life?  Incurring penalties?  Doesn’t sound like something a P31 woman does.  Not even if her lamp does not go out at night and she rises while it is still night (also known as Burning the Candle at Both Ends).

He was up past midnight, planning out the best strategy, and writing down instructions for me to carry out first thing in the morning.  Call these folks first, and if they say…then…and you will need to go right away to…

I was worried.  How could I have made this mistake?  What other mistakes might I unknowingly commit?

 

Worse still…

 

I was awakened abruptly the next morning by the door bursting open and the words, “I found another problem.”

In disbelief, I made my eyes focus on the computer screen.

 

Oh no.

 

The travel agent had even asked me specifically if the dates were correct.

I remember scrutinizing the four stopover times carefully to make sure they were sufficiently generous.  I don’t remember the dates even registering in my mind.

But there they were in black and white.  Wrong dates.

We found out that the airline charges $150 per ticket to change the itinerary after payment was made.

My head was in my hands, and I fought tears.  I can’t believe this.  What is wrong with me?  What next?

We talked it over quickly, and Joe headed out the door for work.

Immediately, I emailed our travel agent from Golden Rule Travel, explained the situation, and asked him what we should do next.

And waited with a very heavy heart.  My own words from the day before rang in my ears, “But we know that God will not abandon us now.”

Now I was feeling unprotected.  What trouble would I accidentally cause next?  Who would I harm next with my mistakes?

 

Why, O God, are you allowing this to happen?  Have I been disobedient in some way?  Please show me if there is some cause in me for You to be displeased.  Please reassure me that You are still with us.  I need to hear from You!  O God, we cannot do this without You!!    

 

Tidbits of the ensuing exchange with our travel agent~

Susanna,
Good morning, I received your email and I can understand that you have a lot going on right now.
I am able to void your tickets from yesterday and I do have a similar schedule for a departure on the 10th.
Because of your situation and the needs that Katerina has I am waiving the $50.00 change fee per ticket we usually have for voiding tickets.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

[…in shock, and not sure I am understanding what he just wrote…]  Does this mean that we don’t owe an extra fee to the airline?

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It does,
because you caught this within 24 hrs, we can change it without the airline penalty.
We generally have a $50.00 fee to void and reissue if it is not agent error, but considering everything, I am waiving that as well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh my, I am in tears.  You cannot know how much this means to me right now.  Thank you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

I figured you may have had a rough night…. just glad that we can get this changed for you and that there was good space available.
I take this as a go ahead to reissue per the itinerary I sent?

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thank you, and I just double-checked everything with Joe to make sure.  So yes, you can go ahead and reissue it.  I can hardly believe the mercy of God.
Thank you so much for checking on all this for us, and for being so understanding.  We are so thankful that you are the one God picked for us.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
You both are very welcome!  It has been a pleasure since the first day I spoke with you.  I was honored to be a small part of your journey as you bring Katerina home.
Her story really touched my heart.
Blessings as you continue planning and preparing and then make the adjustments that I am sure need to come.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

My Father had answered me.

 

My daughter, you have learned that the power of man does not trump My power.  I allowed these mistakes to show you that this is true for you, too.  You do not need to fear anything at all, not even your own mistakes.  I have My Hand on this.

 

“For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed, but My kindness shall not depart from you, nor shall My covenant of peace be removed,” says the LORD, who has mercy on you.

“O you afflicted one, tossed with tempest, and not comforted, behold, I will lay your stones with colorful gems, and lay your foundations with sapphires.  I will make your pinnacles of rubies, your gates of crystal, and all your walls of precious stones.

All your children shall be taught by the LORD, and great shall be the peace of your children.

In righteousness you shall be established; you shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear; and from terror, for it shall not come near you.

Indeed they shall surely assemble, but not because of Me.  Whoever assembles against you shall fall for your sake.

Behold, I have created the blacksmith who blows the coals in the fire, who brings forth an instrument for his work; and I have created the spoiler to destroy.  No weapon formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue which rises against you in judgment you shall condemn.”

“This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is from Me,” says the LORD.

 

 

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13 Responses to “My kindness will not depart from you.”

  1. Jamie says:

    I guess we make human mistakes so God can show His grace through other people :)

  2. connie says:

    My dear sister   ~ I love that we share the same Kind Father.
    Could you know how deeply your posts have touched my soul?
    And today…..
    That my God would speak to you the very words I needed to hear  
    though my particular mistake is 10 years old and possibly a muddled mess by now…”YOU DO NOT NEED TO FEAR ANYTHING AT ALL EVEN YOUR OWN MISTAKES.  I HAVE MY HAND ON THIS.” 
    I also recognized that paralysing message  stuck there by the  unnamed enemy, heard  when we feel unprotected  “what trouble would I accidentally cause next?  Who would I harm next with my mistakes?”
         
    I am so glad that you are not paralysed by fear  but you are FREE.
    Free to hear and heed  the Beautiful Voice that said “Let the children come to Me”
     
    love connie

  3. Joleigh says:

    Thanks for providing the first of my daily weeps.  I’m guessing there is a REASON God has you on different flights… and only He knows what that is, but I think we can all agree that it will be to your benefit and Katie’s.  I’m guessing you’ve seen this verse, but I love it because it is so specific to our situations… Isaiah 43:5.  (I have it on my adoption fundraising t-shirt.) :)  Keeping you in my prayers.  Just remember that when you’re doing the right thing, for the right reasons, in good faith… God will honor even the mistakes and bring blessings from them!  And were I you, I would put some sort of large fuzzy sticker on the cover of the adoption checkbook. ;)

  4. Marci says:

    Susanna. Thank you. God is teaching me things through you today. Thank you for your obedience to blog, et al.

  5. April (justonemorebaby) says:

    Your honesty has blessed me today <3 I too made a huge financial mistake early this week and was beating myself up for it. I too have a gracious husband but still felt like a failure. ((hugs)) thank you for sharing your “humaneness”

  6. Susanna says:

    Joleigh, our travel agent fixed it all up and made it better, and we are traveling exactly as originally planned!

    Also, funny idea about the checkbook! :D

  7. Tami Swaim says:

    I really enjoyed your dialog here Susanna.  The particular mistakes that you have made recently I do ALL the time.  My husband is a very organized person and doesn’t seem to ‘goof up’ in this sort of way.  I get so frustrated with myself because I am the type of person that does these things A LOT.  Mark has adopted a phrase; “That’s my girl!” or “That sounds like MY wife!”  We often get to laugh about it AFTER it’s fixed.  The bad side of it all is that it does cause me to fear and hesitate and that is why I’ve enjoyed your sharing your inner thoughts here.  I simply can’t allow fear of making a mistake hold me back from doing what God is asking of me.  I know that generally you are VERY organized and I really do believe that you do not make such mistakes nearly as much as I <chuckle>.  The Lord has gifted us all in our own unique ways!  I’m glad it all worked out in the end.  It always does doesn’t it?! 

  8. Ginger says:

    Wow, girl, you are really hard on yourself! Your husband can’t safely trust in you if you make a mistake and use an identical looking checkbook? Writing a bad check is only bad if you do it repeatedly. Unless you have one of those giant banks, they’ll almost always waive the overdrawn fee when you explain the situation and show them that you really do have sufficient funds *in the right account*. 
    I really think God in His sovereignty allows us to make this mistakes that we think are so huge, so He can show that He is bigger and His plan is greater. To God be the glory! We are imperfect, but He is perfect! 

  9. connie says:

    I liked this part the best:   “…and great shall be the peace of your children.”  I believe that is what we are praying for Katerina and for all of your children.  :)

  10. Susanna says:

    Ginger, Joe is the money guy in this house and there’s a reason for that. He enjoys it and takes care of it using meticulous and elaborate methods. Whereas I naturally operate in an alternate universe that exists outside of time and money. So glad my upbringing made thrift as natural as breathing, because I don’t do it methodically. He was trying his best to be kind, and he blamed himself for not simplifying his system for me. But his nervousness was definitely showing through when he suggested that perhaps I could double-check things with him before allowing large sums of money to pass through my hands. :lol: I think it was the shell-shock of having it all come at once this close to the end while we’re already under so much pressure. It was complicated by the fact that there were two banks involved, so we couldn’t immediately transfer money to the overdrawn account. And then there was the check I wrote to our local attorney AFTER the bad one to our adoption agency…

    We’re thankful the bank resubmitted the check when it didn’t clear the first time, so all we owe is a $31 bank fee to our own bank. The mercy of God. All that rich lesson for $31.

  11. Ginger says:

    LOL! Seriously, ask the bank if they will waive that $31 fee since it’s your first time to make that kind of mistake (or it hasn’t happened in 3 yrs or whatever). All they can say is no, and in my experience, they almost always say yes. :)

  12. Susanna says:

    Thanks, I’ll pass that on to Joe, Ginger! :)

  13. Emily says:

    So glad God worked it all out quickly and smoothly for you, Susanna!  I can relate to the fear aspect of mistakes and what will happen.  I’m so glad you shared that inner struggle and how God met you there and showed you His tender love and care.

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