I will be still.

April 14th, 2011

Whate’er my God ordains is right: holy his will abideth;
I will be still whate’er he doth, and follow where he guideth:
He is my God; though dark my road,
He holds me that I shall not fall:
Wherefore to him I leave it all.

The little ones are tucked into bed for the night.  We put on our walking shoes and tell the older children we’ll be back.

Outside, it is dark and chilly, a fine mist hanging in the air.  Good thing I’d grabbed a scarf; I’ll need it to cover my ears before too long.  Not much moon glowing through the iridescent halo overhead.  He clicks on the flashlight and our hands meet familiarly.

What is the point of walking, I think, if not to go as quickly as possible?  It works the muscles.  Not to mention that it gets this chore over with so I can move on with the rest of my plans for the evening.  I stride purposefully, hinting by a slight pull that going faster would please me.

Thing is, he weighs considerably more than I do.  I don’t seem to be making any impression on him.  He continues his chosen pace...trudge, trudge, trudge…

I feel irritated, impatient.  Why can’t we walk my way sometimes?  I want to go faster.  What is wrong with that?  Speed is good.  Anyway, there is work I need to do after this, and that’s being productive.  Productive is good.

Right?

…trudge, trudge, trudge…

We are off stride.  Our hands don’t swing together properly if we are off stride.

…trudge, trudge, trudge…

Okay look, how about some gratefulness?  You wouldn’t be out here at all tonight if he had not decided this walk would be good and necessary.  You don’t go out to walk alone in the dark.  It isn’t safe.

…trudge, trudge, trudge…

My own words to my child earlier in the day come to mind.  “It’s not good for you to get used to having your own way.  God says…”

…trudge, trudge, trudge…

Rebuked, I slow my steps and skip to get back into his rhythm.

We keep up a steady pace for a couple more miles.  We are within a half mile of home.

A dog barks roughly from a neighbor’s property, up the steep hill near their house.  I think, “I’m glad they keep it tied.”

Instantly, his unhurried demeanor changes.  In a blink, he has thrust me behind himself, from one hand to the other.  I have just time to glimpse what I hadn’t noticed before; a large dog, a dark shadow against a dark hill, is coming straight for us, a surly growl deep in its throat.

I cower behind him, clenching his hand, fear coursing through me.

He continues to walk steadily, his body now solidly between the dog and his shaking wife, calmly speaking reassurance with his firm voice and strong hand.

…trudge, trudge, trudge…

The dog starts menacingly onto the road, but thinks better of it when its master flips on the porch light and calls its name.

…trudge, trudge, trudge…

I feel weak and quivery.  Slowly, my composure returns.  I am here, now.  I’m not in my past as a young girl weighed down bulkily by the newspapers I was delivering on Book Lane, screaming in panic and trying clumsily to escape the German shepherd that was pursuing me in the dim dawn.

Deep breath in.  Deep breath out.

…trudge, trudge, trudge…

“That was neat.”

“What?”

“I don’t often get to see what you do if I’m in danger.”

<squeezing his hand>

“You protected me, without even thinking.”

Of course he did.

Whate’er my God ordains is right: he never will deceive me;
He leads me by the proper path; I know he will not leave me:
I take, content, what he hath sent;
His hand can turn my griefs away,
And patiently I wait his day.

Be still and know that I am God.

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth!

The LORD of hosts is with us;

The God of Jacob is our refuge.

 

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6 Responses to “I will be still.”

  1. sabrina says:

    I loved reading this. Thanks for sharing it, Susanna.
    I’m still praying for your family and Katerina. Love you!

  2. Heather~ Cheymelah says:

    Susanna this made me tear up! Isn’t it amazing that God loves us thousands and thousands of times more then any human could ever love us even our sweet husbands, even more then our mommys and daddys.

  3. Kim says:

    amazing.

  4. Kim says:

    BTW, that is my husband’s favorite song.

  5. Shari~hotfudgecustard says:

    Precious post!
    I had a scary dog incident as a teenager, too, delivering flyers to doors.  I also had a dog incident with Eric recently where he firmly and decidedly protected me.  It’s good to be under the protection of our husbands.  That picture of how the Lord protects us is powerful!

    I’m catching up on recent posts here tonight.  I love all the pictures of Verity!

  6. Christina says:

    Thank you for sharing this Susanna, it has blessed me tremendously by providing yet another perspective on the different things in life that can be interpreted as negative, but really they are blessings.

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