“This I call to mind, and therefore have hope: It is of the Lord’s mercy that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning. Great is Your faithfulness.”
Every time I have sat down with firm intentions to write a Verity-update, my eyes glaze over and my mind rebels. A paper pregnancy is a high-risk pregnancy, an emotionally demanding, even grueling experience.
I’m not sure how much of this aspect of it is getting across to the outside world. Adventures can be much more comfortable to read about than to live through. To paraphrase Tolkien.
A friend wrote to me,“You’re doing amazingly well through all of this. I only got my little toe wet before I had to take it out, and I know how nerve-wracking that little bit was.”
Hmmmm…wonder if “amazingly well” can include sobbing on my husband’s shoulder, or developing a distinct aversion to opening the laptop, or being seized with a wild desire to call everyone I know who’s thinking about adoption to tell them, “Don’t do it!” (Yes, I confess it’s true, that thought did pass through my mind!) Or being unable to formulate any coherent prayer but, “Lord, save me!” And being left as wrung-out as an ol’ dishrag. A mindless ol’ dishrag, at that.
We are aware that most of you who are praying for us do not know all the nitty-gritty details. Please know that your prayer-work has been effectual nonetheless. We have also been upheld in very real ways by your prayers, just like Aaron and Hur held Moses’ hands up when they grew heavy before the battle was won.
The enemy has been working overtime…
…but he is not winning…
…and for now, there is a break in the intensity. After a final flurry of papers and documents and communications earlier this week, we still have not heard from Lifeline that our file is complete and Hague-approved. There is nothing for us to do but wait and pray and trust.
I’ve dropped my arms to my sides and am basking in this needed gift of rest. It is of the Lord’s mercy that I am not consumed by the enemy named Fear.
…deep breath in…deep breath out…look around…the enemy is gone…the rest of the world is still going on…God. is. sovereign. over. all…
And I finally gave up on trying to write that update! Last night at the supper table, I interviewed some of Verity’s big brothers and sisters instead.
Which interview deserves a post all its own.
And which is coming right up!