More alike than different

February 25th, 2011

I have spent eighty-three months of my life being physically pregnant.

In the span of those eighty-three months, I have…

…been thrilled to announce that a new child is on the way, watch our other children’s faces light up, and hear them say that it’s the most exciting news we could give them!

…dreamt day and night of the unknown child who was on the way.

…tried to anticipate the special challenges that might lie ahead.

…yearned over and cried out to God for the life of a coming child countless times, having known the intense grief of losing a much-wanted small one.

…wrestled through the moment-by-moment suspense of high-risk pregnancies.

…prayed that each new life would somehow sense and thrive on the love and welcome that was in my heart.

…pored over grainy images of little ones I would not see in person for months.

…read, and read, and read, and read about every little facet of pregnancy, birth, infancy, and childrearing I could get my hands on.

…learned how to make use of the waiting time to prepare our family to grow.

…learned, too, that there is always room in our lives for whomever God sends…

…and that He is the One who sees to that!

…eagerly adjusted my life in every detail necessary in order to be the best possible mama I could be to each coming child.  My children are not an interruption to my work!  My children are my work!

…schooled myself to wait patiently for the perfect timing of God, the Bringer of Life.

…been humbled by the enormous significance of being entrusted with a whole new human being, with an eternal soul.

…known the urgency of sensing when it was time for a child to come, and afterward, finding out that I was right.

…experienced for myself how one’s heart can expand to love each new child God places into it.

…and during every moment of every pregnancy, I’ve never lost the constant awareness of the presence of a vulnerable little person hidden away from everyone’s eyes.

P. S.  And these here paper pregnancies must come with hormone swings all their own–ecstatic one moment–weepy the next–poor Joe–hehe. :)  Any other adoptive moms know if this is normal??

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8 Responses to “More alike than different”

  1. Shari~hotfudgecustard says:

    I have been thinking about your spiritual battles recently and wondered if they might be similar to scary or sad pregnancy dreams that so often come.  I think the Enemy tries to interfere with Life in every way.  BUT!  God is sovereign over evil in every way imaginable!

    This post makes me smile, to think how much a paper pregnancy is like a physical pregnancy.

  2. Patti says:

    This is beautiful! Sending this to my daughter-in-love, as she and Jason are entering the adoption process!!

  3. Tami Swaim says:

    I’ve got an extra pregnancy test still in it’s box if you wanna make sure the hormone swings are in deed from the paper pregnancy!  :0)

  4. Lindsey Binkle says:

    Wow! That’s just under 7 years of pregnancy!

  5. Andrea Mann says:

    As an adoptive Mama, it is normal!!!  I actually started waking up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom (something I had NEVER done before, or since) during the three month period between us finding out we were going to be parents and when our daughter was born.  I experienced the dreams, the emotions, and some other pregnancy like things. :)  Enjoy your time of expecting!!


  6. Susanna says:

    Tami, I’m quite sure they are, but thank you for your very kind offer!  :)

    Lindsey, good thing I like being pregnant, huh!?  And it would have been more, but one pregnancy lasted eight months and produced two babies.  As hard as that one was, it should count for two pregnancies, though.  Definitely NOT two for the price of one, as I had previously thought!  

    Andrea and Shari, yes, I am having the vivid dreams, too.  I spend all night explaining why our paperwork is acceptable, to skeptical USCIS officers.  How do you suppose that should be interpreted?  Haha.  :)

    Patti, I am excited to hear how that story unfolds!

  7. YES! NORMAL! I also had cravings…

  8. Beautiful post!  :)  I am in the throes of the waiting/dreaming/preparing too, thank you this has helped me so much to understand “paper pregnancy” in a whole new light.

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