When my heart is overwhelmed

November 28th, 2010

Why is my newest Bible already creased and stained at Psalm 61?

Why is this so often the spot on the edge where I stand to jump off into the rest of the Scripture?

“Hear my cry, O God; attend to my prayer.  From the end of the earth I will cry to You, when my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.”

Because I was born with profoundly debilitating special needs.

In order to keep functioning, I need to hear the truth.  I need to know the truth.  I need to speak the truth to myself.  I need to believe the truth.

I need to feed on truth, drink in truth, rest on truth, work from truth.

I need truth in order to live.

The truth is my reason to act.  I need that reason, and it needs to be solid.

The truth gives me hope to act.  That hope had better be solid, too.

Without the ready intervention of truth, my soul is quickly paralyzed by hopelessness.

This is not rhetoric; this is the reality of my life.

I’ve been looking extensively into various interventions and protocols for people with Down syndrome.  Having the older boys do some serious reading on related subjects.  Summarizing my finds for Joe.

Every topic branches off into sub-topics, each with its own sub-groupings of more in-depth information.  I’m looking especially for the ideas that are found across the board, that are commonly agreed upon, and that have more than hearsay to back them up.

Knowing my vulnerabilities, I warned myself not to become overwhelmed.

But along about the time I had bookmarked the zillionth site, there was a lump in my throat, and an uneasy sense of rising panic.

Gross motor, fine motor, oral motor, cognition, communication, behavior, nutrition, other interventions…each with proponents, opponents, and costs in time and money.

“How will we ever be able to…?”

“Why am I making myself crazy over this?”

“I’m just going to end up knowing more about vitally important stuff we can’t manage to do!”

“But I can’t keep putting this off!”

“I just cannot see how…”

“There is just no way…”

“This is SO impossible!”

“O God, my heart is overwhelmed!  Lead me to the rock that is higher than I!”

God intervened.

One is a friend who heard that we were interested in a certain method, and who is sending us all the practical information we need to get started and more, for free, because she considers that to be her ministry.

The other was Psalm 138, which is where He took me after I dived off the edge of Psalm 61.

“In the day when I cried out, You answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul…

Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will revive me…

Your right hand will save me.

The LORD will perfect that which concerns me.

“Consider it done,” He says to me, and my soul comes to rest in the truth.

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8 Responses to “When my heart is overwhelmed”

  1. Danielle M. says:

    Susanna, you must be sitting in and listening to my conversations and sitting in my room as I rock Luke.  That has been “my verse” for a few months now. Just last week I was sharing with friends how God is using that verse to get my gaze up off myself and on to Him. When my heart is overwhelmed, I like to sit in the rocker with my sweetie, who doesn’t always act so sweet, and rock, and pray that verse.  So between that verse, and your recent postings with “Valley of Vision” quotes, we have been so similar in our spirit, what God is bringing to attention, how He is training our souls. 
    Praying for you!  Those pictures of little Verity are adorable.  My Rachael adores her.  She can’t wait to see her again!  She is always here to see the blogs, and oohs and ahhs over your little one, like her mommy does!

  2. Amy says:

    The Lord WILL perfect that which concerns me! I LOVE THAT!!! AMEN AND AGAIN I SAY AMEN!!!

  3. Stephanie Blanchard says:

    A friend sent me a text with Psalm 61 the other night when I confided in her that I’m overwhelmed with the potential changes going on around here.  How awesome is our God?  He is using the same verse for you, Danielle, who commented above me and me too! 
    Thanks for letting me know how to pray for you! Solomon has added a night feeding back in so I’ll be lifting you up an extra time a day.  :)

  4. Lara Font says:

    don’t let Satan burden you, it is ALL too easy to let it all feel so heavy (speaking from personal experience here), another Christian friend (and Mom to 13 yr old son with DS) told me that the learning curve is steep, but to let them(my new friends) help shoulder the burden and “learn” where they have spent hours and years doing the research.  She told me to remember I am on the “fast track!”  I’m learning to “give” a bit on my constant need to research things for myself.  Mtw 11:28 “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest!”  XO

  5. Tami Swaim says:

    A bit off topic but you might be interested.  There’s a “light reading” material for you to read if you’re interested.  I’m not sure if you’ve read “Just Beyond the Clouds” by Karen Kingsbury.  I’m getting a book of hers for Christmas from Mark about a boy with autism, “Unlocked”.  I read “Just Beyond the Clouds” not too long ago, Mark’s mom owns the book.  It gives some good insight into the heart and minds of individuals with Downs, though the work is fictional (light reading).

  6. Susanna says:

    Thank you, Lara! And for ALL the other help you have been! We are all thankful for you!

  7. Susanna says:

    I did read that one, Tami, and enjoyed the glimpse into the life of adults w/ Ds–something I continue to be very curious about. Thank you for the recommendation!

  8. Susanna says:

    I’m thankful for this season of seeing you every month, Danielle. You have been a blessing to me!

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