November 6th, 2010


In short–she got it!  HALLELUJAH!!!!

Poor baby suffered through every idea I had read or heard of, even the ones that contradicted each other, until I thought she would surely hate me forever!

See this face?  Look at that mouth.  This is a girl with a will.

We argued and fought all day long.

*accusing looks* “Come on, we both know what works and this is not it!”  *spluttering and choking* “Why are you putting me through this?” *arching back and roaring* “Are you trying to torture me?  Murder me?  Can’t you see I am hungry? Just feed me!  I mean it, Mama!”

“Sweetie, you don’t know how good this will be until you stop fighting!  I know you will love it!  Nursing is good! I’m not your enemy, Verity, I love you!  You can nurse, Verity!  Please stop fighting!”

*tears*  “Jesus, please help her to stop fighting!  Please help me not to give up!  Please have mercy on us and help us!”

(I couldn’t help but think of The Death Crawl.  “Don’t quit, don’t quit, don’t quit…!”)

At my lowest point, God rebuked me.  He pricked my spirit with the realization that I was missing the real point by pinning my hopes on Verity nursing.  The real point, always, no matter what the details of the outward circumstances, is that I give up my flawed human will for His perfect, sovereign will.  I cannot worship Him while gripping tightly to my own will.  He is no less worthy of my worship in the midst of failure and sadness and frustration than He is when He gives quick success.  He has not changed.  He is the same God.

“Why are you cast down, O my soul?  Why so disquieted within me?  Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God.”

Finally, late last night, after yet another pitched battle, Verity stopped crying, relaxed, and began to nurse.  With her eyes open.

She nursed for about an hour.  Is this really happening?

It was really happening.  Verity was firmly swaddled to keep her arms and legs in a stable, flexed position.  Occupational therapist Marcia told me Wednesday that nursing is a flexion activity. I was getting the hang of using a nursing shield and a supplemental nursing system–the shield to mimic the firm feel of the bottle nipple in her mouth, and the SNS to give her a flow of milk right away as soon as she began to suck.  

She finished her few ounces.  I laid her down and pumped.

She woke up and nursed again for about an hour, after an intense but brief fight. I looked down at her face through tears of joy.  Her fuzzy little head nodding up and down as she drank, her eyes closed in contented, nursing bliss.  My baby is nursing.

I pumped once more, finally lying down to sleep after 2 am, feeling like an old war-weary soldier after the battle has been won.  Elation and exhaustion occupying the same space.

This morning, her initial fight lasted only a few seconds, and she took a full nursing.

Thank You, JESUS!!!!!

To Joe, my stalwart husband, thank you.  For being a rock of security in our family all these many, many weeks.  For being adamant that all our sacrifices and efforts were The Right Thing To Do.  For putting your life where your mouth is by taking on extra responsibility so that I was free to do the job that nobody else could do.

To all our children, affectionate brothers and sisters to Verity-girl, thank you.  For doing more hard things and giving up more fun things so that I would have enough milk for her and have time to teach her how to eat.  You have risen to the occasion and I am proud of you.

To all the good friends who took time to care about our struggle and give your best counsel, encouragement, and steadfast prayer, thank you.

To one special lady who was right there with moral support, your lactation consultant, your personal stories of encouragement, your prayer, and a nursing care package with useful tools to help us get there.  Thank you.

God used every one of you.  Thank you isn’t enough!  I pray that He will pay you all back as only He can!

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27 Responses to “Breakthrough!”

  1. Misty says:

    Tears of joy for you!!!  Thank you Jesus! =)

  2. Amanda (abcraven) says:

    praise God Susanna! I am SO thrilled to read this!  Good job Verity!  You keep it up!

  3. danielle m. says:

    Hip Hip Hooray!!!! I am so glad to hear this.  How happy your heart must be.  So glad that Verity gave in and nursed.  Thank you, God!!

  4. Jennifer says:

    Praise the Lord!  I’m crying for you!  Way to go mama, for sticking it out and winning the battle!  And good girl, Verity!  :)  Praise the Lord!

  5. alice says:

    Crying tears of joy for you and Verity! Praise God!

  6. Kimberly Zimmerman says:

    Whoo-Hoo!!!  So happy to hear the fantastic news.  I know it must have been so incredibly painstakingly hard Mama!!  Your efforts, and enduring LOVE have paid off!
    Keep up the great work Verity girl!

  7. Angiedawn says:

    I can’t hold back the tears………I am so happy for you and Verity.It was so neat hearing your voices too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a beauty she is! My girls and I just loved watching the video.Whos is the deep voice? :) Joe or one of your older boys?

    Anyhow I am so overjoyed………….Congratulations!!!!

  8. Joan Crick says:

    Rejoicing with you! As you said, the whole family pulled together to make this victory possible. What a testimony to your love for Verity! Hope Verity falls into a nice, normal nursing routine now. I’ll bet it won’t take her long to realize how nice it is to be so close to Mama! :)

  9. Susanna says:

    Thank you for rejoicing with me, friends!

    Joan, yes, we’re temporarily taking longer again (1 1/2 of every 3 hours), BUT…! WOW!

    Angie, that’s Joseph telling me my head keeps getting in the way of his view of Verity!  Lol!  He’s the one who had to post the video–I’m clueless!

  10. Marilyn Osborn says:

    Tears of JOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am crying!!!!!!  Oh praise Him!!!!!!!!!!

  11. sabrina says:

    Tears here too. So happy for you.

  12. Joy Horton says:

    Ditto Marilyn!!! Tears of Joy – with and without pun intended!!! REJOICING WITH YOU!!! Thank you for the video!! Absolutely precious!! Hard to watch through my tears but SO worth it!!!!!

    I’m SO proud of you, Susanna, and Verity! Big tears rolling down my cheeks!!!

    ((((((((((((HUGE HUGS!!)))))))))))))))

  13. Anna T says:

    YEA, what great news to read as I’m getting on the internet for the 1st time today!!  Thank you Jesus for your perfect plan and perfect gifts!!  I am crying many happy tears for you and sweet Verity!!  I love, love, love how she shows her sweet smile when you tell her that you love her!!  Also, many accolades to your entire family and especially your DH for ALL pulling together and doing the extras so that you could focus on Verity!!  I am continuing to pray for you — yea!!

  14. Shari~hotfudgecustard says:

    Praising the Lord with you and all the rest here. 

  15. Angela in MT says:

    Praise the Lord!  LOVE the pic!!!

  16. Danielle says:

    Praise the Lord!!! I paused the video at 9 so I could soak in her adorable grin…so so sweet…..

  17. Betsy says:

    GLORY to God!! We pray that all that mouth and muscle exercise will bless both Mama and Verity!! No more mastitis and no more bottle washing. Count your many blessings name them one by one. (from that tightly closed mouth to that beautiful smile) Count your many blessings see what God has done. Praise the Lord! Rejoicing and Prayers continuing for and with each one of you.

  18. patti says:

    Okay, I was sitting in our van reading your post from my phone today and started crying…and now I came here and saw the video, and I’m crying again!! I am so happy for you and so happy for Verity!! And that video just MELTED MY HEART!! She is beautiful! And so alert! And smart! 
    Praise God, Susanna, what an answer to prayer.

  19. Stephanie Blanchard says:

    I’m SO happy to read this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

    I am thrilled to the bone for you!

  20. Debbie says:

    So thrilled for all of you!!  Zack (3yrs) loved the video along with me.  :)

  21. Tears of joy here!!  So happy here for you and especially for dear Verity!!!  What an adorable little girl and thank you for posting the video!!

  22. Joy Horton says:

    Just chiming in again to say that we’ve watched the video countless times. It’s SO precious!!! My children LOVE seeing her little smiles!!!!

  23. Ilisa says:

    Yay!  SO proud of you both!!!  What a relief!

  24. Sandi - bbcooker says:

    YYYIIIIIPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!    WOW!!!  Thank you God!!!!!!!

  25. Jessica (janns) says:

    How wonderful!!!!!!! I’m so excited for you I’m crying! I love seeing her almost quiver with excitement to hear you say that you love her!

  26. Amy Morris says:

    Was just thinking about you and praying for you before I checked the blog. PRAISE GOD!! You and your family continue to be an inspiration and an awesome witness to me. Love the video. Thanks

  27. Amy says:

    The video made me cry! She is just SO precious!!! Praising God with you here about the nursing!!! YAY!!

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