What if…

July 11th, 2010

…all my fears, large and small, had come to pass?

…our friends and family had blamed us for having had one too many children?  And awkwardly avoided us?  And thought that Verity’s birth was not worth anticipating, or that her life was not worth celebrating?

…she never re-learns how to breastfeed?

…she ends up with a naso-gastric tube and forgets how to suck?

…she’d failed to thrive in the womb and had been born prematurely?

…she had not made it to birth alive?

…her cord had prolapsed that night?

…she had been born by C-section?

…she had been born blue and suffered serious, irreversible brain injury?

…she’d been diagnosed with a seizure disorder that causes severe delays?  Which would mean that she would never walk or talk or respond to us in any way?

…she’d been born with one of the other, more serious trisomies, like T13 or T18, instead of plain ol’ T21?  And the medical staff had refused to treat her?

…she’d had birth defects that did not show up on the ultrasounds?  Like cleft lip or cleft palate, or any number of internal defects?

…she was still in the NICU?

…she’d needed immediate surgery?

…she hadn’t survived, and we had to tell our other children that they would not be getting a little Verity-sister?

…she’d had club feet?  [What is it about baby feet!?]

…we’d been forced to take government help to pay the medical expenses?

…we’d had to re-finance our mortgage?

…she was an inconsolably colicky baby?

…she hadn’t been cute?

…I hadn’t bonded with her?

[*blushes with shame*]

What then???

Would God still be sovereign over all things?

Would that mean that God had mercy on other people and not on us?

Would it mean He had forgotten about us?  Or made a mistake this time?

And that it was right to fear?

Would He still be our Provider?  Would it mean the need was too great for Him?

Would He still deserve our worship?  Our praise?  How about our trust?

Would God still be GOOD?




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5 Responses to “What if…”

  1. God is always good.  The biggest question and the worst fear in the heart of man is to question and fear the goodness of God.  YET he wants to show us that he is to be trusted completely and that showing is painful and scary.
    At least that is what I am learning.

  2. Angiedawn says:

    Oh what a precious post!!!! I just LOVED all of those pictures! She is SO gorgeous!

  3. Ruth Einfeld says:

    Aweseome, God is awesome and His will is perfect!  Verity is so adorable, if I could I would jump on a plane and come out to hold her and snuggle with her!  Thanks for this insightful post!
    You are truly blessed, especially because you recognize that Verity is a special blessing from your loving Heavenly Father!

  4. She just takes my breath away!  She’s so lovely!  Aww!  I have major baby jealousy S!
    Your words you shared are a soothing balm, just the very things I likely would have worried……  It’s soothing because I worry, and it’s an effort daily to place things in His care, the Father is so big, and it’s just so hard to wrap my mind around His faithfulness.

  5. janet says:

    Sometimes I wonder (what if..) … What if when the doctors handed us a baby without ds they said, “Your baby looks like he may be a non-ds. He’s still beautiful though… but he will never have a darling button nose. He may always have ears that are a bit larger than regular children. He has 2 lines on his hand, typical of non-ds children. Because he isn’t a downs baby, life may be more challenging for you during the teen years. He won’t enjoy the little things in life the way normal ds babies do. We’re sorry, but I’m sure in time you’ll love this non-ds child just like your other ds children. What if the perspective of everyone was different? Would we be more accepting of our downs children, less fearful of the challenging days? Would we resent our non-ds children because they didn’t laugh as much, love as much, forgive as much? 

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