It is all true

July 28th, 2010

Verity is quiet now, but she was very restless in her car seat through the night, choking and crying off and on.  We think she has her days and nights mixed up, because she hasn’t adapted well to the plan to add a longer stretch between two night feedings.

Sometime during the wee hours, looking into my little daughter’s face and watching her struggle to breathe, it dawned on me where I had seen and heard this before.

I saw it in 1994 when my dad and brothers and sisters and I were gathered around my mom before she died.  That is engraved on my memory.

And again in 2004 when Joe’s parents and our whole family were gathered around Joe’s grandfather before he died.

It is the look and sound of approaching death, the lungs filling with fluid.  In Verity’s case, the process is moving very slowly and the Lasix, a strong diuretic, is helping her condition stay under control.

Learning about what is done during open heart surgery is sobering.  No one would dare attempt such an audacious move were it not a life or death situation.

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me.”

This is just the shadow of death I see, because Verity is here, alive, in my arms, taking in nourishing milk with the help of a tiny tube.

But the reason we do not fear is not that she is still alive.  It is not the hope that her heart will be repaired next week.  It is because God is with us.

If we weak and sin-prone parents can be in this place with our precious baby, the physical strain of night after night of lost sleep, astronomical medical bills, and our family being under ongoing pressure and disruption, and have an underlying peace in our home and hearts in place of fear, then we add this to the body of proof that the triune God of Scripture lives.  We are here in this place we would have dreaded to be in, but so is He.  And all He tells us about Himself is true!

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8 Responses to “It is all true”

  1. stephanie says:

    i am so very blessed to have found you.  Praying for sweet Verity.

  2. Erin says:

    I don;t know too much about heart surgery stuff, but does she sleep in her carseat to keep her upright in a certain position? and if so can you use the sleep nanny instead? let me know if you can!

  3. Esther Glick says:

    I just want to come running and hug you Susanna! Your description of Verity brings me such flash backs of seeing Jadrian exactly as you described Verity. As he approached his 2nd open heart surgery we were actualy relieved to see the day come because he was fighting so hard to live and as much as it pains you to see them go through such a traumatic surgery, you can endure anything if you know it will help your little one.
    Jadrian will be seeing his cardilogist on Aug. 4 so we will be remembering you all in prayer that day and awaiting an update. Thats wonderful that the hospital stay should only be a week!! It will be such a relief to all of you to have this next step behind you!
    The pic of her looks so angelic!!  The NG tube…..we were so happy once Jadrian’s cheek could be tape free after 6 month of NG tube.
    Loving thoughts & Prayers, Esther

  4. Natalia says:

    I posted my feelings in a comment on your previous post, and of course now I am even more concerned for Verity.  Do they really think she can make another week?  Because she sounds quite like Charis in the 2 days before her surgery.  (Though Charis’s heart was also visibly enlarging from day to day [visible via her ribcage enlarging day to day], and she would push herself into a sitting position to breath.)  She was getting worse so quickly I have always honestly believed that she wouldn’t have survived much longer, but maybe she could have if they feel Verity can.  They never actually TOLD me she wouldn’t have.
    I am pondering whether I should even post because perhaps I shouldn’t be saying things like this, given our situation was somewhat different, however like I said your medical people are very familiar with Verity’s heart condition and with what to expect, so please disregard and forgive me if it should have not been said.
    Continuing in prayer and wishing I could come and visit with food…  and hugs…and help so you could get some sleep!
    With love

  5. Sherry Thomas says:

    Susanna and Joe,
    Hopefully you remember us Susanna – ask Jonathan if you don’t. We’ve never had the privilege of meeting Joe nor your children. Please be assured of our daily prayers for Verity. We will pray for your other children as well. Also for the continued peace and rest that only the Lord can give regardless of our circumstances. Love you, Dave & Sherry Thomas

  6. Theresa Daly says:

    I am a friend of your sister, Lynn. We are praying for you all.  You are such a beautiful testimony to LORD.  Praying, praying, praying. With love,

  7. Lara Font says:

    just found you thru the Ski’s blog. Praying for Verity as we speak. My Parker is 1 week post surgery! “Be strong and courageous, do not be terrified”   XO Lara

  8. Cindy friend of Lynn says:

    Dear Heavlenly Father who is the giver of life and the healer(Jehovah-Raphe) of the weak and frail, I come before you and ask of you to heal this little girl Verity. Blessed be your name for bringing her into this world under these circum…stances so that your name ELOHIM (All powerful one, Creator) will be magnified. Blessed are you ABBA who gave her such a loving family. I ask you LORD to open the eyes of all the medical staff who have had the pleasure of knowing this family, that through this situation, they would ALL come to know you as the ONE TRUE GOD who heals the sick. We were all sick in spirit Lord until you cleaned us from our sin and gave us a new heart. Lord, I ask that if it be your will, that you would give Verity a new heart. I pray that now matter the outcome, your name be gloriified. Psalm 113:2 Blessed be the name of the LORD from this time forth and for evermore. 

    Great song about the names of the LORD

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