June 1st, 2010

Our family has voted Saturday’s big picnic as being the best one so far!  Also the biggest picnic yet.  Our bean-counter son has been attempting to reconstruct who was there, and the current numbers are 46 adults and 136 children.  (Next year we should have a guest list!)  It was satisfying to see so many people we love all together at once, enjoying one another.  It was also fun to meet some new friends!  We hope that everyone else enjoyed it at least as much as we did!

Sunday ended up being extra busy, too, but I rested well from suppertime on Sunday through date night last night, and today I feel as energized as any mother can in her last month of pregnancy!  Wooo-hoooo!!!

As of yesterday evening, the shelves are in and the bassinet is set up!  Joe and Daniel did a fabulous job, and I hope to get some pictures with our new camera when I am finished with my part of the preparations!

We’re laundering the basket liners and her baby things today, then tomorrow Laura, Jane and I can organize it all!

While we’re waiting for the laundry to process, I’m giving our bedroom a thorough scrubdown–cleaning the carpet, dusting, cleaning windows, and wiping down walls.

The bassinet is really making this birth seem more imminent, and that is bringing back some nervousness.  All the stories I have read about sudden health problems arising, extended NICU stays, separation from the family, and months of time-consuming nursing struggles are no longer simply arms-length interesting, they are looming like dark clouds on the horizon.

How severe will the coming storm be?  How will it affect the family?  Our marriage?  Are our bonds strong enough to hold up under high pressure winds over a long stretch of time?  My heart quails at the knowledge of my weakness in the face of this trouble.  My tears seem to be waiting just under the surface again.

Joe and I spent our date night last night talking this all over.  We really struggled during the months surrounding the birth of the twins.  The tremendous amount of stress found every crack between us, and pushed away as hard as it could.  We did learn from that time, and we hope we have matured and grown closer compared with where we were then.  And now that we know where our weak spots are, we can be more watchful.

A friend who came to the picnic described a tough time in her family’s life and how hard it was to bear.  I thought she described it well when she said something like this. “It seemed impossible that I could be happy until the difficulty was taken away.”  We agreed that when God decides to allow those tough times to remain, that often it’s because there’s something in us that needs to be refined away.  I know there’s plenty of self in me for Him to remove, and I want so much to not resist that painful purifying fire when it comes.  Even the ability to do that will have to come from Him, because otherwise I will reject it and grow resentful.

So when I look at that waiting bassinet, and all the fears and unknowns try to barge their way into my mind, once again my only defense is the Truth.  I know this is true, and I am clinging to it~

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.

When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flames scorch you.

For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Saviour.”

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2 Responses to “Nesting…testing…”

  1. Patti says:

    I sure hope my blog wasn’t one of the blogs you read that scared you:/ Although it was a difficult time following Lily’s birth, we made it through- and God had such grace on us! I’m sure He will help you as well…the best advice I would give is to see it all as an adventure:) I also kept telling myself- you have had 9 boring pregnancies and predictable outcomes, this one is just an adventure! Lily has SURPASSED in every way my expectations of what joy a baby with ds could bring. My husband and I keep asking ourselves- did we love all our babies this much?? I know you’ll feel the same with your little princess:)

  2. Susanna says:

    Thank you, Patti!  (That made me cry!)

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