Letting go

June 16th, 2010

Seems like the closer we get to Verity’s birth, the busier our weeks are getting.  More likely, I’m just so slow-moving now that just a little extra activity goes a long way!

My mind has been dawdling along in the shallows, too.  It seems to be resting up for the big test ahead, just like my body is.

But God has gotten one clear message through the lethargy to me.

Sometime recently I began to feel a strange inappropriateness about adding to the already long list of requests I was bringing before Him.  Then I became aware of how tightly I was clutching my list, despite my desire to embrace His plan rather than mine.

Over the past few days, He has been prying my fingers off that list, little by little.

There is an ideal.  Ordinarily, I don’t believe it is wrong to hope and work and pray for the ideal.  But right now, no mistake about it, He is very gently putting His hand over my mouth and saying to me, “Let go of your list of ideals and quietly rest in what I am going to do.”

The one item left on my list is the only request I am absolutely confident is His will. I am asking Him to glorify Himself through every circumstance surrounding Verity’s birth.  That none of us humans will get in the way of this one necessary thing.

Why did anything else seem so important compared with this?

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2 Responses to “Letting go”

  1. Patti says:

    Susanna, I am praying for you. I had to let go of many of my “plans” after Lily’s birth as well. But the one thing I kept coming back to, was that God’s plans are better than mine:) For instance- I wanted my familiar post-baby routine..taking Lily back to the recovery room with me, welcoming our children and visitors to our room, enjoying a celebratory dinner (our hospital provides this) with my husband.  Instead, Lily was transported to a hospital two hours away without me, and I spent my first night away from her and my husband, who  had gone with her.
    Looking BACK however- it was the best thing that could have happened.  My husband bonded with Lily more than any of our children, as he was the one to stay the night in the NICU with her. And my daughter-in-law (who isn’t able to have children- she has no uterus or ovaries) was able to step up to the plate to take care of me. There had been a wall between us (not intentional) because of her condition..long story but she (mistakenly) felt like she was letting us down by not being able to have children.  Lily’s birth tore that wall down, and allowed Naomi to be there for me in a way she had never been before. We are so, so close now.
    If I had my way, I would have missed out on what God had for all of us- my husband, my daughter-in-law, and me…I also got a week alone in the NICU with my husband :) Every day in the hospital cafeteria we joked that we went on an unplanned second honeymoon:)
    I just wanted to share all that to encourage you (and I’m sure you know!) that God will give you grace to bring you through. He is so faithful! Praying for you, and praying for Verity!!
    Love, Patti

  2. Joy Horton says:

    You’ve been on my heart so much these past few days, Susanna. You can bet that God will be glorified through every circumstance surrounding Verity’s birth – just as He has been all of this time in preparation for it! You all have such willing and open hearts and in that, alone, His glory is shown but I know there is much more glory yet to come!

    I love you and am praying!

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