Nevertheless You heard

May 13th, 2010

I should have seen some of it coming!

~I started out low.  Mother’s Day could disappear from the calendar without protest from me.  I know I’m not alone in this one.  It invariably reminds me of how far away I am as a mother from where I want to be, although of course I appreciate all the undeserved kind words and sweet homemade cards and loving gifts from my family!  (‘Specially the chocolate-covered-almonds sort of gifts.  Ahem.)

~Writing RESTING on the calendar, and telling myself that all the many activities in that day are restful ones, does not equal rest.

~Doing that day after day, even for otherwise legitimate reasons, will render me vulnerable to discouragement.  How long, O Lord, how long will it take me to learn the same tired old lesson?  I had better learn it and learn it well before this child is born.

On Mother’s Day, I listened to my dad read through Psalm 31, with some comments.  I had no idea how much I would soon need what this Scripture was saying!

“Let the lying lips be put to silence, which speak insolent things proudly and contemptuously against the righteous. Oh, how great is Your goodness, which you have laid up for those who fear You, which You have prepared for those who trust in You in the presence of the sons of men.”

Not too long afterward, some acquaintances shared with me some unkind words they had heard about me and our big family.  I thought, “Even if they only met us once, there must be something to what they said, or why would they have used those criticisms instead of others they could have chosen?  I know I do have weaknesses in those areas.”

“You shall hide them in the secret place of Your presence from the plots of man; You shall keep them secretly in a pavilion from the strife of tongues.”

Someone close to me vented some issues, saying hurtful things to me in the process.  I thought, “Since they know me so well, they must be seeing the true reality.  Plus, they aren’t saying anything worse than I have said to myself.”

“Blessed be the LORD, for He has shown me His marvelous kindness when I was in a besieged city.  For I said in my haste, “I am cut off from before Your eyes”;

And as I grew increasingly exhausted, and all the various accusations played in the back of my mind, I began reading this whole Psalm over and over.  It wasn’t leisurely reading, reclining in my lawn chair with pleasant breezes and a mug of meadow tea.  It was desperate reading, scrabbling around for the rope in the dark at the bottom of the pit.

But I was questioning my right to put myself in David the Psalmist’s place.  Why was I assuming that I was among “the righteous?”  Maybe I’ve been fooling myself all these years?  But David felt like he was cut off from before God’s eyes, too…

I kept scrabbling around for the lifeline, crying out for help.  Joe kept loving me in spite of my many tears.  He prayed for me.

Nevertheless You heard the voice of my supplications when I cried out to You.”

Finally yesterday He prompted me to write to some friends, asking them to pray.  They did pray, and wrote loving words of truth I needed to hear.  My accusers were not speaking words of legitimate rebuke with the intent of helping me in my weak areas.  They were lashing out in unreasonable attack, grabbing any weapon they could find that would express their own bitterness.

“Oh, love the LORD, all you His saints!  For the LORD preserves the faithful, and fully repays the proud person.  Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all you who hope in the LORD.”

My dad spoke on Sunday of the place that we as Jehovah’s people sometimes find ourselves in.  We who hope in Him are told to be of good courage, and He will strengthen our hearts.

That assumes that I will have a weak heart!  It says that I have a legitimate need for Him to strengthen my heart!  It tells me that if my heart is weak, that isn’t proof that I am not truly one of His!  That lie is just an attempt of my enemy to cut me off from my only Help, same as he did toward David the Psalmist.  But my enemy cannot prevail over the mercy of God toward me!

“I will be glad and rejoice in Your mercy, for You have considered my trouble; You have known my soul in adversities, and have not shut me up into the hand of the enemy; You have set my feet in a wide place.”

Oh, thanks be to God!

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One Response to “Nevertheless You heard”

  1. greta says:

    Susanna, I am sorry…I regret those times I have been unwise/hurtful with my words~ I recall being in a similar situation to yours and I cried out and prayed to God because the words that were spoken to me hurt so bad.  I kept my mouth shut. I kept questioning myself,  my choices, etc….then I heard in a sermon that love is spoken in truth, NOT opinion- does the other person offer words of loving “rebuke” based on the truth of God’s word or on  their “opinions” of what they think is right/true? I continued to keep my mouth shut and asked God if I was supposed to confront this person.  I was led to quietly forgive and continue the relationship (that was a struggle)…it wasn’t until about a year or more after the incident that this person came out-of-the-blue and apologized for saying the things they said- a total shock to me!   The hardest part was feeling that what this person shared was truly the opinion they had in their heart…and therefore a “truth” they believed about me- and I couldn’t erase what was in their heart.

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