Motherhood and giving up

May 25th, 2010

Yesterday morning I woke up with a bad cold, and today I fully understand why the rest of the family has been lying around sleeping a lot.  Adding this sickness to my already ebbing energy levels and the rising heat and humidity, we’re having to change some of the ambitious plans I made just a couple of weeks ago.

We’re paring down to essentials.  Again.  Eight park days before Verity is born?  Not going to happen.  No more kitchen days, either, and it looks like phys ed is done for the season.

While Joe and I were talking together last evening, I asked him if the normal me really is an energetic person who gets things done.  And does he think I’ll ever be back to that normal me again?  He reassured me that both were true.

Somehow the days of being skinny and zooming about productively seem so very, very far away right now.  Did I really do all that painting of ceilings, walls, floors, and furniture last spring and summer?  How in the world did I manage to pull off all those spectacular kitchen days last fall and winter?

Lately this phrase has come to my mind over and over~

“…nor do I count my life dear to myself…”

I finally looked it up in its entirety.

It’s from Acts 20:24,  “But none of these things move me, nor do I count my life dear to myself, so that I may finish my race with joy, and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.”

Right now, in a simple way, for a mind that is muddled by sickness and pregnancy hormones and lack of good sleep, these words are very comforting.  This time of difficulty is temporary, and it will be worth it.  This giving up of myself is the ministry the Lord Jesus has called me to.  I offer myself and my family and our plans and our possessions to Him with joy.  The good news is true, His grace is sufficient.

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One Response to “Motherhood and giving up”

  1. Joy Horton says:

    I feel the same way whenever I’m sick, Susanna. “Will I ever get back to my normal energetic, task-accomplishing self?” I always worry that I won’t – but then I always DO! (Hope that makes sense.) I hope and pray that this passes quickly for you and that it’s not a flu or something drawn out. ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) That is such a precious verse you quoted. Love it.

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